Before I get into what I came here to do, which is finally get back to writing and using this space for what I intended it to be for all those months ago that I started it, I feel it would be very bizarre if I didn’t take a moment to focus on not only the craziness of the moment but to look back at the busy few months I’ve just had.

So yes, I will say the damn C word, because for once the C word is on everybody’s tongue. No, not THAT C word. Coronavirus. Covid-19. And yes, it IS very much that other C word, but that’s neither here nor there.

It came in with a bang and turned the entire world upside down in a very short space of time. We are only three months into this new year and this first quarter has been absolute carnage in every part of the world. It’s something that absolutely nobody could have imagined in their wildest dreams, well, perhaps that’s not true given that I watched a documentary on Netflix the other day that was released just in November with Bill Gates talking about The Next Pandemic and I saw the words in print predicted in Sylvia Brown’s 2008 book.

Aside from this, nobody could have said that in every corner of the globe people would be fighting over toilet paper, stockpiling dry stores and that’s not even to mention hand sanitzer. It’s no world war, it’s no banking crisis, it’s a worldwide health pandemic. It’s absolutely bloody mental and I’m struggling to find any other words than those, and we might know by now that for me, not having the words is a rarity.

The reality is, the entire world is suffering. Some people physically, most people emotionally and, sadly, also financially. Nobody has it “good” right now. We are seeing people of power who are “infected”, the elderly are vulnerable, businesspeople are losing, everyday people all over the world are out of work, celebrities are not excluded from this, poor people are simply screwed, rich people are no longer invincible, and me, well, I’m on an emotional rollercoaster!

In the months I was quiet on here, I was busy buying, setting up and starting a business. Two months ago almost to the day, we opened a deli on the high street in the town I now call home – or will when I get off this damn yacht. If hindsight could’ve known, perhaps it wouldn’t have been the smartest time to start something new, but nobody could’ve predicted the craziness that has engulfed planet earth right now.

For multiple reasons, I wasn’t in a position to leave my cushy job on board just yet. So after a drawn out disastrous December of delays beyond our control (and November for that matter), we arrived in the Caribbean to unload the yacht off the ship on the 27th December, met up with the owner and his family who had been waiting (im)patiently on the island of St Kitts for the yacht to arrive for a week already.

It seems like an age ago now, so to cut to the point, it is now the 20th March, a Friday, just like the 27th of December was. It’s exactly twelve weeks to the day that we arrived back at work. In that time, we have clocked up the sea miles, seen lots of beautiful places, worked far too much and been exposed to the greatest challenge the world has seen in my lifetime.

Like the rest of the world, we are currently juggling the balls of this situation, trying hard to find a solution whilst also feeling cornered in the islands. Each day we are watching all of the countries around us close their borders one after each other, meanwhile the remaining days on our allotted time in the BVI are ticking away.

Whilst I am grateful to have a job for one, a boat full of food and ingredients to turn into meals, people to cook for, great people around me, surrounded by beautiful islands, blue sea, the sun, nature and, most importantly, my health, I am still struggling. It is an emotional whirlwind, and thankfully I managed to get home a few weeks ago to see the Deli in action for a few days, I have not stopped for the past four months. I, like planet earth, am drained. I am overwhelmed by things beyond my control. I feel helpless and emotional. I feel sorry for the people that are losing their jobs and livelihoods whilst I sit on a yacht with knots in my chest. I feel selfish for the tears that fall from my eyes and none of this even touches on the amount of stress eating going on over here.

I’m in a bubble, closed off from the world except for my phone which means the news and regular updates from friends and family in different parts of the world. It’s a contradiction of being a blessing and a curse. We don’t know what’s what. We don’t know what to believe. Either it is far worse “out there” than we can imagine, or everything we hear is being blown way out of proportion. I like to think the latter, but reality seems otherwise.

In a nutshell, I am overwhelmed with emotions: somewhere between outbursts of rage at the world, gratitude for my situation, the health of my friends and family and hope for the future, I’m floating.

Floating not just on water but in the air, the wild, contaminated, beautiful, hazy and unknown air that we are all breathing in right now.

All I can do is send love. Hope, positivity and light.

So here, please, take it all. Soak it up, spread it around and let’s stick together through this craziness so that when we get back on our feet again, the world is filled with more love.

Stay safe, my people. We will be okay.

L, Xo